On today’s episode of No Bullshit with Alex Willis, you’ll take a look at common ways anger shows up in the workplace. Alex will dispel common myths about anger, and teach you how to manage anger when conflict arises in the workplace. It’s not as easy as punching your pillow!
How do you manage your anger as a leader when things go wrong? How do you pull it together in such a way that corrects the behavior that you're trying to change?
On today’s episode of No Bullshit with Alex Willis, you’ll take a look at common ways anger shows up in the workplace. Alex will dispel common myths about anger, and teach you how to manage anger when conflict arises in the workplace. It’s not as easy as punching your pillow!
In our third segment, The Foundation, you’ll be guided through common thought patterns that happen when we’re angry. Instead of focusing on imaginary circumstances, Alex shows you how to cool your “hot thoughts” and start a dialogue that feels good for everyone.
Tune into our final segment, The Frame Out, where we hear our first listener question. You’ll learn ways to transform the anger you feel before it even arises, and change the way you react to your feelings while delegating in the workplace. A deep breath can go a long way!
Be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts as well as the YouTube channel to watch full video episodes and be notified as soon as the next episode is live.
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[00:00:00] Alex Willis: Hey, my friends. Welcome back to episode eight, the foundation where we're really beginning to dive even deeper into this thing called anger management. And how do you do it right now? In the previous segments we talked about a few things. We talked about in a segment one we talked about how do you have the right mindset.
[00:00:25] Alex Willis: In the last segment, we talked about the right skill set. What are the skills you need to have in order to do a well? Now in the foundation, we're gonna break down those skills, right? The first thing being, understanding this thing called hot thoughts. Hot thoughts, uh, hot thoughts. So, so, so there's what we like to call Six hot thoughts.
[00:00:42] Alex Willis: Six hot thoughts, right? So what are they? Well, these thoughts are, Things that we typically do when a person triggers our anger, right? And understand all six of these thoughts are focused at that person, right? Focused right at that person. How we operate. The, the first hot thought is what we like to call labeling, right?
[00:01:03] Alex Willis: Labeling and, and usually we tend to label people based on their behavior. Think about that, right? We label people based on their behavior. Uh, hey, you know who I'm talking about, guys, lion, Larry, you know, lion Larry, the guy who's lies all the time, lion Larry, right? So, so we label people quite freak, Lord Lazy Lindsay, right?
[00:01:24] Alex Willis: Lion Larry, and Lazy Lindsay. Where the hell I came up with those names? I don't know. But you know, we label people. We label people. And so the challenge is there's more to that person than that one thing that has happened or taken place. But when you label a person, it really begins to trigger how you feel about that person, right?
[00:01:42] Alex Willis: And, and sooner or later you constantly refer to that person based on that label, right? So I wanna challenge you. Don't label people. Don't label people, right? The next hot thought we like to call is, is mind reading. This is a tough one, my friends, because most people, we think that people should be able to read our minds.
[00:02:01] Alex Willis: They know how I feel about that. I mean, come on man. You know, they're a grown up. It's common sense. Uh, common sense is not so common anymore, my friends. Right? So part of our thinking when we get angry is we think people should be mind readers. They should read our mind and know exactly what we're thinking.
[00:02:20] Alex Willis: Know the expectation that we have. When truth be told, they don't. So you gotta be careful and not force people or think that people should be mind readers. The next one is fortune Telling. We say, you know what, they should have known that, right? Because the signs are all on the wall, right? You know, they know we're doing this thing like this.
[00:02:38] Alex Willis: You know, they should be able to read the fortune. Truth be told, you don't know what, what a person's thinking. You don't know where a person's mental is right then and there in that moment. So it's very, very hard to be a fortune teller or assume that the person should be a fortune teller, right? The next one, number four is a big one for most of us in construction.
[00:02:58] Alex Willis: It, it is called catastrophizing, right? Catastrophizing. Well, what's catastrophizing? Well catastrophizing is making. A mo hill into a mountain all the damn time, right? This is the person that just blows every little thing up, one little thing goes wrong, and you lose your shit over one little thing, right?
[00:03:19] Alex Willis: It's all, we always doing this you always, no mo people don't always do anything, my friends, right? So, so try your best not to make mo hills into mountains. The next one is should statements. Right. Well, they should know better. They, they should know not to do that. They should know. I tell people quite frequent, stop shitting on people, man.
[00:03:41] Alex Willis: Don't shit on people. Right? Because oftentimes you don't know what a person knows, where they were raised, how they were raised, what they've gone through with leaders in the past. So it's important not to shit on people. And then last but not least, the last hot thought. That is a very, very dangerous place to be.
[00:04:02] Alex Willis: It is vengeance. A lot of times when people trigger us and we don't do the work of finding out what's really going on inside of us, the next thing that we think about is, okay, how do I get even with this person, be it demoting them, be it taking advantage of them, uh, in a situation causing them to do a task that you normally wouldn't.
[00:04:28] Alex Willis: You gotta be very careful as a leader not to get into this place and moment, right? In order to do that, you have to have the right skillset, the right mindset about anger so that you can make sure that you really begin to challenge yourself and hold yourself as a leader to the highest standard there.
[00:04:44] Alex Willis: How do you do that though? Well, number one, you have to really begin to challenge what I like to call your irrational thoughts. All of us as leaders, my friends, we walk around with irrational thoughts. I mean like if you really think about it, they're really crazy. Thoughts Like, Hey, no one should ever make a mistake.
[00:05:01] Alex Willis: That's bullshit. Come on man. We all make mistakes. People make mistakes every day. So to think or walk around with that irrational belief that no one should ever make a mistake is crazy, right? Crazy, crazy, crazy. Another one is that thinking that people should always agree with you. Why? Come on. People have their own thoughts, their own motivations, their own opinions, and so understand people oftentimes won't agree with you.
[00:05:27] Alex Willis: That's great. That's the society that we live in. So you shouldn't get angry when they don't. You should expect them not to. The fact that you expect everyone to agree with you or you get upset when someone disagrees with you says you're walking around with an irrational thought that people should agree with you, right?
[00:05:43] Alex Willis: The thought that you should be liked by everyone is a very irrational thought. I've come to become very comfortable in myself and understand that there are a lot of people that, that don't like Alex, and I'm gonna be honest, I don't give a shit. I finally grew, grew up. To understand that and understand that, it's an irrational belief to think that everyone will like me.
[00:06:02] Alex Willis: Why would I want that anyway? Right? When you become your yourself, and as you lead and as you find challenges within the workplace, you're gonna find out that everyone doesn't like you. And that's a good thing. That's a good thing. And so don't be upset when they don't just say, Hey, you know what? I understand that everyone won't, and I'm okay, and I'm comfortable with that.
[00:06:21] Alex Willis: Right? The last one is thinking that people should always act the way you think they should. That's crazy, right? You know, people are different. Some people are raised by wolves, my friends, right? So, so understand people may not act the way you want them to or think that you should, and that's okay. You, you being upset.
[00:06:42] Alex Willis: The fact that they didn't do that. Is an irrational thought that you're walking around with that you have to really begin to challenge yourself to understand, why am I thinking this? How do I change this? Right? So, so when dealing with others, especially those that you work with frequently, there's a couple things I want you to think about doing.
[00:07:00] Alex Willis: Number one, I want you to really begin to focus on behavior, not personality with people. What do I mean by that? Well, when I say focus on behavior, not personality, oftentimes we label people and their personality say, well, you are a horrible worker. Uh, that's attacking the person. And when you do that, that's usually, that usually will not get a good result, right?
[00:07:22] Alex Willis: You really wanna say, Hey, listen, no, uh, you wanna identify exactly what that person has done. Hey, listen, you showing up without your tools several times this week is not a good thing. It shows that you are not prepared to be a great worker today. Right. Look, you're not talking about the person's character.
[00:07:42] Alex Willis: You're not talking about the person's personality, you're talking about their behavior. So if you can begin to be very clear on what's going on, it helps you handle some of those things that you're talking about with that person. Right. That brings us to the next one, which is be very, very specific. Don't, don't throw these general blankets out.
[00:07:59] Alex Willis: Well, you always show up late or you always do this. No, no, no. Dial it in so that you can really have a great conversation with the person knowing exactly what you're talking about, exactly what is going on, so that you can begin to correct those things and really bring it to their attention, which helps you a ton with doing that, right?
[00:08:16] Alex Willis: If you can begin to do that, you can do a phenomenal job with the person. Right. For the last thing in this segment that I want to go over, It's understanding how do you deal with people when they're angry with you as a leader? Think about that. So, so up until this point, we kind of talked about what you as a leader and how you should manage yourself.
[00:08:37] Alex Willis: But please understand there are times that because of your decisions, the people on your team will be very upset with you. Very upset. And oftentimes I have leaders who say, well, let 'em deal with it. I don't give a shit. I'm the leader. Bad. Bad, bad take, bad take my friends. That's just not a good look.
[00:08:57] Alex Willis: Right? When we do that, I like to call that allowing your ego to get in front of you, and oftentimes that's the beginning of the end. It destroys a lot of teams, right? So, so what do you do? Number one, you have to understand the power of acknowledging the point. Even if you don't agree, even if you don't agree.
[00:09:14] Alex Willis: It's acknowledging the point and saying things like, Hey, I understand how this could be upsetting to you. Now, I don't agree. But I do understand how this could be upsetting to you, my friend, right? Saying things like, Hey, that that's fair, that you're angry by about this, whatever the decision is, or, Hey, I hear you and I, and I understand, right?
[00:09:32] Alex Willis: I don't agree, but I hear you and I understand. Right? And then last but not least said, Hey, listen, I, I, I see your point. I don't agree with your point, but I do see how you could be upset about that. Now by doing that, please understand it helps a ton. It helps you bring people together. It helps you have great dialogue even when you don't agree, which ultimately helps keep the team moving in the right direction if we're being honest.
[00:09:57] Alex Willis: Most people just wanna be heard, my friend, right? Even if you don't agree with them, even if you can't change things, the simple fact of you acknowledging the point that they're angry, being willing to hear them out, even if you have to make a difficult decision that's against what they may think, it can still keep the team together and it keeps you.
[00:10:18] Alex Willis: In a phenomenal viewpoint. With your leadership shadow, right? Lining up what you say, how you act, what you prioritize, and what you measure. Because ultimately, we said in one of our previous episodes that creating belonging environments are everything. When you can begin to do that. Game changer. Game changer, right?
[00:10:36] Alex Willis: So in our last segment, my friends, the frame out, we're gonna really frame out some things that you need to think about doing that helps you out. And we're really gonna. Outline body language, cuz body language is huge for leaders because oftentimes our face says it all and it pisses other people off just by our body language.
[00:10:53] Alex Willis: So tune into the frame out where we really begin to frame out. What you need to do as a leader, how you need to act, how you need to show up so that you can begin to have that open dialogue with your friends, with your team, with your family, those in your community, even when they're upset, you can acknowledge it and do a job well done, even as a leader with framing it out in a right way because you have the right body language.
[00:11:16] Alex Willis: You have the right mindset and the right skillset to manage your anger. I'll see you in the next segment. So I wanna thank you again for tuning in to No Bullshit with Alex Willis, the number one source for leadership development in the construction industry. Make sure you subscribe wherever you get your podcast.
[00:11:32] Alex Willis: And please, please, please, please, please don't forget to hit play on that next segment.